


The Cat-Owning Serial Killer

by rachel614 (orphan_account)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dark!Molly, F/M, Sherlolly Appreciation Week 2019, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 13:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18099092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/rachel614
Summary: Molly Hooper. By day a cat-owning specialist registrar, by night a cat-owning serial killer.She had to admit, it had a certain ring to it.--------------------------------Sherlolly Appreciation Week; Day 4: "Did you get him off a murder charge?"Rated T for murder, mystery, and mayhem!





	The Cat-Owning Serial Killer

Molly Hooper. By day a cat-owning specialist registrar, by night a cat-owning serial killer.

She had to admit, it had a certain ring to it.

 

It all began when she forged Sherlock Holmes’s death certificate. That was the moment she became aware of how easy it would be to—quite literally—get away with murder.

It started small. A poisoned sandwich (she did have access to such a glorious variety of toxins) given to a hungry homeless man. Just another John Doe off the streets, dead from an overdose.

When she was so secure in her power, she branched out. A prostitute one night, the next a procurer. Then a customer. Working her way up from the dregs of society, until no one was safe.

She had a modus operandi, of course. No one would expect a small, shy working woman to be a danger. Easy enough to sidle up to a lone stranger in a darkened street, with a request for directions and chloroform filled handkerchief. She was quite strong, from handling corpses all day. Easy enough to drag her victim into a darkened alleyway or nearby doss house, to inject them with a lethal dose of heroin and watch as they stopped breathing.

Easy enough to falsify their paperwork when they came in; to ignore the tell tale traces of chloroform. Just another overdose.

_ That _ was where she got off.

 

All good things must come to an end, however. It was inevitable that someone should notice the uptick in overdoses, all with the same strain of heroin. Inevitable that someone should realize that there was a serial killer at work, inevitable that they question why  _ she _ hadn’t realized. Inevitable that the blame be placed squarely where it belonged. At her feet.

 

It was all so damned inevitable, and yet she couldn’t help but wonder how in the world she’d ended up  _ here. _

She stared at the blank wall of her cell and missed her cherry print jumper.

 

***

 

_ TRIAL OF THE CENTURY BEGINS! _

 

_ PATHOLOGIST MAKES OWN PATIENTS!! _

 

_ IS MORGUE MURDERER THE DEATH KNELL FOR BARTS FUNDING? _

 

***

_ Please state your name and occupation. _

Dr. John Watson, general practitioner and, er. Um. Part-time crime solver, I suppose.

_ How long have you known the accused? _

About, um, six years, now? Yeah, six years.

_ How well do you know the accused? _

Well as any one, I guess. Except maybe Sherlock. Godmother of my daughter. Molly is, I mean.

_ Has the accused ever shown violent tendencies? _

No, course not. Well, she did slap Sherlock that one time. But everyone wants to slap Sherlock.

 

***

 

_ State your name and occupation for the record. _

Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade. Scotland Yard.

_ How do you know the accused? _

I’ve worked with her for years. Brilliant pathologist. Puts up with Sherlock Holmes too. Saint of a woman, really.

_ In your professional opinion, is the accused capable of falsifying medical records? _

Well, yes.

_ Is the accused capable of deceit? _

I, er. There was those two years when she knew Sherlock was dead, yeah. But she meant well.

_ Is the accused capable of producing the heroin used in the murders? _

Yeah. Like I said, she’s brilliant. But it’s not Molls. Molly wouldn’t do this.

 

***

 

_ State your name and occupation. _

Mycroft Holmes. I occupy a minor role in the British Government. A civil servant, one might say.

_ What is your relation to the accused? _

She is one of my brother’s...circle. I take an interest. I worry for him constantly, you see.

_ Do you believe the accused to be dangerous? _

Naturally.

_ How so? _

Anyone who spends a significant amount of time in the presence of Sherlock Holmes without fleeing headlong is of a very peculiar type. He surrounds himself with dangerous persons as a coping mechanism. Doctor Hooper is just one of many, I assure you.

_ Do you believe other members of your brother’s circle might be involved in the murders? _

Don’t be absurd. Surely you have figured this out by now? No? Than I shan’t spoil it for you. Now, I am a very busy man. If you’ll excuse me I must... _ serve _ .

 

***

 

_ State your name and occupation for the record. _

William Sherlock Holmes. Consulting detective, we’ve been through this before, really this whole trial is an absurd farce. The killer is obvious.

_ How do you know the accused? _

We met in the morgue. She watched while I beat the corpse of a deceased colleague with a riding crop and then asked me for coffee, and really is this relevant?

_ In your opinion, is the accused capable of murdering the victims? _

Obviously not.

_ Are you aware that your answer is contrary to all the previous evidence? _

Don’t be obtuse. Naturally she has the technical capacity, but since I presume you have called me as a character witness rather than to state would should be obvious from her CV and formidable publishing history, I address the powers of her character. Molly Hooper is pathologically incapable of murder.

_ Why do you think so? _

She hasn’t killed me yet, obviously.

_ Why should she wish to murder you, when by all accounts she considers you a friend? _

I am an abrasive man who has given many men reason to hate me. The one person I have injured most is her.

_ If you do not believe the accused to be the murder, who else could it be? _

You, obviously.

 

***

 

_ HAT DETECTIVE DOES IT AGAIN _

 

_ PATHOLOGIST SAVED FROM DATE WITH DEATH _

 

_ PROSECUTOR FACING DEADLY CHARGES _

 

***

 

They were all waiting for her when she was released, even Mycroft Holmes. The older man was sheepish beneath her embrace, and spent an inordinate amount of time straightening his tie once she released him. 

“It would be unconscionable to permit the commonwealth to be deprived of your gift for baking,” he informed her, Sherlock making a disgusted face in the background. Molly restrained her smile, and shook hands with him somberly.

 

John was stoic, but his hug was crushing. “Glad Rosie isn’t losing her godmother,” he whispered in her ear, and she cried a little.

“Me too,” she whispered back, and that was that.

 

Greg was crying openly. Smiling too.

“I told them it wasn’t you,” he said.

“I’m glad they didn’t make you serve the warrant for my arrest,” she told him.

“Yeah, well, I said ‘Never again,’ you know? Once was enough.”

 

To Sherlock she said nothing, not during the trip to Bakerstreet, not during the party that welcomed her back. Not until everyone else left did she turn to him, cocking her head slightly.

“Pathologically incapable of murder, am I?”

“It is the only possible conclusion,” he said seriously. “I am a beastly man. You have not killed me. Ergo, you are mentally diseased.”

“I suppose that’s how you think of love.” She couldn’t quite keep the bitterness from her tone.

He looked at her wonderingly. “You absurd woman. You foolish, foolish girl. After all this time—after all these months, all the work spent in putting that poisonous snake of a prosecutor behind bars—and you  _ still _ think I don’t love you?”

Her mouth hung open, but only for an instant, because he stepped forward and, cradling her jaw in his hands, lowered his mouth to hers.

 

After an indefinite length of time, he pulled away, leaving her breathless. 

“You know,” she said, smiling up at him. “I’m glad you think I’m incapable of murder. Because after that kiss, I’d hate to have to make you my next victim if you found out.”

For a long, long second, there was a barely perceptible stillness in his features.

Then: “Don’t make jokes, Molly.”

Laughing, she pulled him down for another kiss.

 

(Years later, their children would ask how they got together, and she’d glance slyly at him and he’d smirk and lean back in his chair and speak airily towards the ceiling, “Got her off a murder charge, naturally.”)

**Author's Note:**

> Molly has such a morbid sense of humor *chuckles darkly*


End file.
